Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
