Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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