He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
