Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Two words: nipple clamps
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