3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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