I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
