dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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