It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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