I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
