I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Last time i carry you out of a forest
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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