it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
