I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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