This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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