I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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