Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
not ubering you a puppy
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
