God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
