I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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