My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
