Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
