i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
