Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
