Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
