Pants 0. Shit 1.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize