Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
