I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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