if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
