he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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