I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
