And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
