I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
