Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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