Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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