i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
