he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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