walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize