my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
