every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
