Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize