The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
