we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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