he puts the penis in happiness.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize