Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
