He told me they were just razor bumps!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize