oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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