Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So squirting runs in the family.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
