I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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