i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize