What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
