I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
