Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
