do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
