I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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