i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
