I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We are two peas in an std pod
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
