So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
