i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
