I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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