Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
