maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
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