if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This is classic penis vs brain.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
