So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
