So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
