I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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