i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
