The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
