When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
