i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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