Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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