it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
