Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
