Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
