last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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